Becoming Happier

From podcast episode 7

How to become happier....this is an eternal question isn’t it. Haven’t we all wanted to be a little happier? But how do we become happier in our lives?

In order to take thes steps we need to discuss the difference between happiness, and a happy state or the what I like to call the ‘heaven’ mind state.

I like to use the ‘heaven’ state mind term because heaven and hell are not destinations when we die, they aren’t places that require worship of a deity to grant entrance into one over the other. Heaven and hell are states of mind. These states of mind are what determine your perception and ultimately your reality. Because we can all look at the same situation, but it is in our perspective and our perception of said situation that allows us to mold our different realities. Most of the time we do this unconsciously and allow our emotions to dictate our views. It is in the act of being mindful of our emotions that the path to a shift in conscious state is revealed and with it, the realization of a happier life.

But what exactly is happiness? For the most part it is an emotion. From a scientific point of view, an emotion that is triggered by an event which can be identified by a chemical release of seratonin, dopamine, and endorphins in the brain. That moment, that trigger, is like all other moments and emotions, ever fleeting passages of time in which we travel in and out of.

This brings me to a story, as always. It is an ancient fable of a powerful king who assembles a group wise men and asks them to create a something that will make him happy when he is sad. After much deliberation the sages hand him a simple ring with the words "This too shall pass" etched on it. The ring worked perfectly as every time he was sad he would simply look at the ring and understand that ‘this too shall pass’. However, the king soon learned that the ring was a double edged sword. That when times were good and happy the ring was equally true in then also...’this too shall pass’

It is a profound parable that teaches us that all moments are fleeting. That the bad times as well as the good, equally suffer from the passage of time. We can’t grasp that happy moment and expect it to last forever. A lot of us are traveling though time in a constant battle trying to pursue happiness while trying to fight off unhappiness. This constant battle results in dissatisfaction which ultimately lead to unhappiness. In our pursuit to be happy we succumb to false endeavors outside of self that we perceive will bring about an ever lasting sense of happiness. The belief that if we had a bigger house or a nicer car or that promotion, then we can finally be happy. I am not saying anything is wrong with those items or wanting those things, or the desire to obtain something that may give you momentary pleasure, the mistake comes when you believe those things will provide you with lasting happiness.

Let’s read that last part again and soak it in for a moment.

So how can we be happier now? The secret is in not trying to be happy. Yes, I know that sounds insane and contradictory, but many of these life lessons are this way. If we are in the mindset of constantly pursuing happiness then we will alway be in the pursuit. Much like an addict who is always in the pursuit of the next high. Everything they do is to achieve the high, which is only temporary and short lasting, then it is back to the pursuit for which their thirst will never be quenched. Chemicals released by our bodies when we are happy are the same that drugs are causing to be released. The ‘high’ of a perceived happiness is addicting. There is a difference between a perceived happiness and a happy state of mind. The perceived happiness is the ‘high’, the dopamines released when we do things we enjoy and things that are told will bring us happiness. Things like shopping, partying, drinking, etc. There is nothing wrong with these things on their own, but when used in excess or to cover up hurt so they may bring about the ‘high’ of happiness, they can become detrimental. So how do we change this?

A prerequisite to this path is the lesson which must be engrained in us that nothing outside of self will grant anything less than temporary perceived happiness. Temporary perceived happiness is ok as long as we recognize it for what it is and not as a substitute for something greater. Only when we search in ourselves are we able to find true peace and tranquillity.

The road to inner peace and tranquility has many stepping stones that need not be in any order. But here, we are addressing the happiness aspect.

For this we need to strive to achieve a radical level of okayness, a state of acceptance. What I mean by this is that we have to be okay and accepting of all of our moments in life. It is always easy to accept the good times, but the bad times, eeehh not so much. We need to move away from this thought process. This constant pursuit of one emotion and fighting off of the other. The source of our dissatisfaction and suffering in life is rooted in that very thought process. A thought process that does not mentally or emotionally prepare us for the eventual bad times that befall all of us in life.

We are in a constant ever failing battle to fend off the bad times which can never be won. Remember, in life it is inevitable that we will suffer. It is as much a part of life as sunset is a part of every day. We cannot stop it so we must flow with it and achieve the level of radical okayness to accept life for what it is. A constant ebb and flow of emotions and situations. The understanding should be that sadness and suffering is always a moment away, and it is a waste of energy to try to stop them. To accept them with an understanding that ‘this too shall pass’. Now I will insert a disclaimer here to say that we do not need to accept things that we have the ability to change, like toxic or abusive relationships. It is also not saying that we should not feel grief or emotion when a loved one passes away. It is saying that we understand that in life these things will inevitably occur. We can feel emotion in the moment without wasting energy in the thought process that bad things should never happen. In doing so we prohibit the moment from dictating our emotional and perspective state for an overdue amount of time.

Supreme okayness can be summed up by the analogy of the half cup. Instead of seeing the cup as either half full or half empty, you can see the cup as a means to quench your thirst. It is also understanding the eventuality that the cup is going to be empty, but only with an empty cup does the opportunity to refill it once again present itself.

Secondly, we have to learn to transform moments that we are normally neutral about into moments that bring us joy. What do I mean by this? In life we are either happy, sad, or neutral about things. Take for example, right now you may be driving to work and not be happy or sad, this commute for you is just neutral. Now imagine that you receive a call and it is some horrible news. You would now feel horrible and sad in the present moment. Transversly, you would gladly switch back to be in the moment right before the phone call. That moment that you once regarded as neutral would bring you joy if you only had it back. If we can learn to find joy in moments we normally regard as neutral we can increase our level of joy. Every morning that I wake up without receiving a phone call in the middle of the night that someone I love has been hospitalized is a good morning. Every afternoon that I experience without a migraine is a great afternoon and every evening that I can walk in through the door to my family and find them there is fantastic. Learn to change your perspective and you change your reality.

Third, learn to appreciate the things you already have. Instead of looking constantly for the next materialistic object or desire to provide you with empty happiness, learn to appreciate the things that are already in your life and make the most of the time you have. The more appreciative you are of these things the more you will receive joy in the moments that mean the most. Because when your kids look back, they won’t focus on how big the house was, or the clothes they had, they may not remember the words said, or the exact details, but they will remember that you were there with them, and that is what really matters the most.

Lastly, smile more. In the good times and the bad, smile more. When faced with adversity or that traffic jam, smile more. When your day isn’t going great, step back, breathe, take in the gift of your life and just smile. Remember all the things you have to be thankful for and smile. Understand that we manifest our own reality. We are the supreme creators of our destiny, and architects of our existence.

Control your mind and it’s perspective and the gates of heaven shall open themselves to you.

Love and blessing to everyone out there.